LOL...copied and pasted

...there's something about today that i dont quite get...i feel happy, at peace, elated...u know. i feel so good, (about what i have no clue), its scary.cant wait to see how it goes....For now, i hope i can draw from this feeling today on the days when the cloud over my head grows thick...i'm thankful, to whatever; i'm not that easy to please....

interesting facts expressed in interesting ways

Condom says to Pad "When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Pad replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for Nine
months!"
**************************************
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your boobs on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick
on his face!"
*************************************
A black guy and a white girl met at a niteclub. She took him to her
apartment and said: "Tie me to the bed and do what black men do
best!"...
So he ran off with the TV and DVD Player...
*********************************
Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper, so that you could hold me every
morning!"
Husband: " Me too, my dear, so that I can have a NEW ONE every
morning!"
**********************************
A Chinese couple got married. When the baby was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of
baby was SUM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
*******************************
A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: "You look so weak and
Exhausted!
Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady: "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
**********************************
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked "what ' s he doing?" the maid Replied:
MASTURBATING."(Master bathing)
***********************************
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children!‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Like the others, your obsession manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

....and it ends fellas.....

Attempting to decipher moi

Who the hell asks a woman to lay herself bare. and on the internet, huh? Ug.Gal? I thought this whole ‘tag’ thing would pass and I would survive but seems like people are really serious. I was tagged by Jny and Ug.Gal, and yah...i have bounced on my heels ever since i got the AWARDS (surely thats enough bragging...).
Ten things (oooooooops, sorry, TRUTHS…not gonna be easy) of who I think I am that you people don’t know I am, i must confess, so here goes;

1. I’m not as smart as most people try to make me out to be; they mistake my loud mouth for brains.

2. I revel in being nude yet 90% of those who'v known me intimately will swear by my shyness…(poor chaps)

3. Half the time I’m in the boss’ office I spend nurturing my sexual fantasies towards him…. the other half brooding and hating him and me for not being available to each other

4. I hate what I do for a living. But cover up pretty well

5. I know what its like to have sex with a fellow girl; under duress

6. The greatest paradox of my childhood was the expression “so and so ate so and so’s money”. how couldnt an adult have known that you dont eat money? i mean, it is dirty!

7. I’m a more serious person than i let off and a total believer in the existence and power of God and prayer.

8. I dont think i have gotten the hang of what i look like; i still ask after a picture of myself especially if I don’t remember the cloths I’m wearing in it

9. I can’t stand the whole anonymity thing at blogsville; there’s people I would really like to meet. Even though I prefer that I remain anonymous.

10. I’m keeping a very big secret from the brethren at blogsville…mainly from fear of getting lynched by my own.

And to take over from me will be the following;
emi's, eddslove, s.king, k, exploring sensuality, sato, safyre

Then the instructions for the 'chosen ones' ;
1.You must brag about the award
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions!

I’m right now toppling over with laughter
And I think I want to share. My sense of humour is pretty cheap though so feel free not to laugh along

There is this muvabulaya friend of mine who never ceases to amuse with his outside countries’ tales. The latest is one on his sister in law who was recently deported back to Uganda after leaving away from home for over 30 years. Residing in London illegally. She was gotten off the streets in London and deported with nothing to her name except the shorter than short skirt and knee length boots she was wearing matched with a top no woman over 40 years of age ‘should be’ seen wearing on African soil (except for the Swazi women), complete with wild-colored hair extensions. And that’s how she was delivered to her gomesi and kanzu wearing parents at the airport amidst exclamations of ‘God Have mercy. Gunno Omusege si mwana wange’.

Not like she was bothered as she went around screaming ‘hey mama. Papa wats up!’. She’s been around for about two weeks now and she’s already been declared a gone case by her parents who she has on several occasions warned she would ‘sue for abusing her as a child’ in case they think she forgot every time they tell her to get a grip of herself and behave her age.

But anyway, that’s not what’s gotten me upside down in laughter, it is another on one of his escapades with the police where he was close to being shipped home too;
“One day we were in club, a Ugandan club called Kabira in West Ham. Me right behind my then girlfriend and now wife rubbing away and swaying along with fellow ugandans, about 8 of every 10 illegal immigrants. Then suddenly someone screams… “They are coming”. We didn’t have to ask who. We all knew who. The police who would be checking for illegal immigrants, and by the time they are spotted we all know that they have been around a while and have the building surrounded and all exits guarded.

Panic. As we all pull out our forged documents, make desperate calls and dodge the cue for as long as we can. Again I survived, using my brother's forged documents and so did my girlfriend After the less crafty have been rounded off and the more sly throwing a thankful prayer to the powers that be, one of the policemen goes up to the podium and gets a hold of the microphone;
“We’r really sorry for disrupting your fun but its alright now, you can all go on enjoying the night. DJ?” he says turning to where the DJ’s box is located.
But the DJ was nowhere to be seen, he seemed to have just disappeared in thin air and could have been lying in some ditch somewhere quivering from the music made by his thumping heart by then. The officer turned to us completely puzzled and for the rest of us who knew what had gone down, we just burst out laughing.”

No my friend wasn’t deported; he got tired of running and came back home on his own accord. he says he doesnt remember seeing that same DJ at that club again.