LOL...copied and pasted

...there's something about today that i dont quite get...i feel happy, at peace, elated...u know. i feel so good, (about what i have no clue), its scary.cant wait to see how it goes....For now, i hope i can draw from this feeling today on the days when the cloud over my head grows thick...i'm thankful, to whatever; i'm not that easy to please....

interesting facts expressed in interesting ways

Condom says to Pad "When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Pad replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for Nine
months!"
**************************************
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your boobs on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick
on his face!"
*************************************
A black guy and a white girl met at a niteclub. She took him to her
apartment and said: "Tie me to the bed and do what black men do
best!"...
So he ran off with the TV and DVD Player...
*********************************
Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper, so that you could hold me every
morning!"
Husband: " Me too, my dear, so that I can have a NEW ONE every
morning!"
**********************************
A Chinese couple got married. When the baby was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of
baby was SUM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
*******************************
A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: "You look so weak and
Exhausted!
Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady: "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
**********************************
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked "what ' s he doing?" the maid Replied:
MASTURBATING."(Master bathing)
***********************************
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children!‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Like the others, your obsession manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

....and it ends fellas.....

Attempting to decipher moi

Who the hell asks a woman to lay herself bare. and on the internet, huh? Ug.Gal? I thought this whole ‘tag’ thing would pass and I would survive but seems like people are really serious. I was tagged by Jny and Ug.Gal, and yah...i have bounced on my heels ever since i got the AWARDS (surely thats enough bragging...).
Ten things (oooooooops, sorry, TRUTHS…not gonna be easy) of who I think I am that you people don’t know I am, i must confess, so here goes;

1. I’m not as smart as most people try to make me out to be; they mistake my loud mouth for brains.

2. I revel in being nude yet 90% of those who'v known me intimately will swear by my shyness…(poor chaps)

3. Half the time I’m in the boss’ office I spend nurturing my sexual fantasies towards him…. the other half brooding and hating him and me for not being available to each other

4. I hate what I do for a living. But cover up pretty well

5. I know what its like to have sex with a fellow girl; under duress

6. The greatest paradox of my childhood was the expression “so and so ate so and so’s money”. how couldnt an adult have known that you dont eat money? i mean, it is dirty!

7. I’m a more serious person than i let off and a total believer in the existence and power of God and prayer.

8. I dont think i have gotten the hang of what i look like; i still ask after a picture of myself especially if I don’t remember the cloths I’m wearing in it

9. I can’t stand the whole anonymity thing at blogsville; there’s people I would really like to meet. Even though I prefer that I remain anonymous.

10. I’m keeping a very big secret from the brethren at blogsville…mainly from fear of getting lynched by my own.

And to take over from me will be the following;
emi's, eddslove, s.king, k, exploring sensuality, sato, safyre

Then the instructions for the 'chosen ones' ;
1.You must brag about the award
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions!

I’m right now toppling over with laughter
And I think I want to share. My sense of humour is pretty cheap though so feel free not to laugh along

There is this muvabulaya friend of mine who never ceases to amuse with his outside countries’ tales. The latest is one on his sister in law who was recently deported back to Uganda after leaving away from home for over 30 years. Residing in London illegally. She was gotten off the streets in London and deported with nothing to her name except the shorter than short skirt and knee length boots she was wearing matched with a top no woman over 40 years of age ‘should be’ seen wearing on African soil (except for the Swazi women), complete with wild-colored hair extensions. And that’s how she was delivered to her gomesi and kanzu wearing parents at the airport amidst exclamations of ‘God Have mercy. Gunno Omusege si mwana wange’.

Not like she was bothered as she went around screaming ‘hey mama. Papa wats up!’. She’s been around for about two weeks now and she’s already been declared a gone case by her parents who she has on several occasions warned she would ‘sue for abusing her as a child’ in case they think she forgot every time they tell her to get a grip of herself and behave her age.

But anyway, that’s not what’s gotten me upside down in laughter, it is another on one of his escapades with the police where he was close to being shipped home too;
“One day we were in club, a Ugandan club called Kabira in West Ham. Me right behind my then girlfriend and now wife rubbing away and swaying along with fellow ugandans, about 8 of every 10 illegal immigrants. Then suddenly someone screams… “They are coming”. We didn’t have to ask who. We all knew who. The police who would be checking for illegal immigrants, and by the time they are spotted we all know that they have been around a while and have the building surrounded and all exits guarded.

Panic. As we all pull out our forged documents, make desperate calls and dodge the cue for as long as we can. Again I survived, using my brother's forged documents and so did my girlfriend After the less crafty have been rounded off and the more sly throwing a thankful prayer to the powers that be, one of the policemen goes up to the podium and gets a hold of the microphone;
“We’r really sorry for disrupting your fun but its alright now, you can all go on enjoying the night. DJ?” he says turning to where the DJ’s box is located.
But the DJ was nowhere to be seen, he seemed to have just disappeared in thin air and could have been lying in some ditch somewhere quivering from the music made by his thumping heart by then. The officer turned to us completely puzzled and for the rest of us who knew what had gone down, we just burst out laughing.”

No my friend wasn’t deported; he got tired of running and came back home on his own accord. he says he doesnt remember seeing that same DJ at that club again.

Mr. Doctor Man

So one day I meet this really cute guy
Young hot and he was introduced as a doctor
Doctor Emma to be more exact

We were soon galloping off all over the place. Together
It was cool. I was on top of the world
Who wouldn’t; he was hot young and a DOCTOR (I think that’s wat excited me most about the whole thing)

But then every time I asked him for some ‘doctorly’ information
He refused to answer referring me to someone else
Apparently ethics and crap like that
Didn’t care much to question deeper into that

Then this one time we were to hook up and he couldn’t make it
So I go to surprise him at work
And there I was asking for a Dr. Emma that no one seemed to know
then I remember this picture of us i carry around
And when I pull it out everyone seems to recognize him
I’m referred to the nurses’ section
“Oh well, he is just hanging there. Probably looking for some nurse,’ I thought

Dr Emma wasn’t in the nurses’ section actually
But they did know the guy in the picture and he was actually a nurse not a doctor

What? My Dr. Emma was actually a nurse? No way, they were all lying They were jealous or something. But who was I kidding; Of course he was a nurse or he wouldn’t have been so illusive.

I thought I would try dating the nurse and not the doctor
I mean what kind of person/ girl did it make me if I chucked someone b’se of their job? And they were not even cobblers or barbers.
But whenever I sat across from him all I could see was that little nurses’ hat perched up on his head! I doubt he was even one of those nurses that are allowed to inject; I’l bet he only passes on medicine!
I erased his number and when I pick a call and it is him I hang up.

Can you blame me?

p.s: totally not my story thank you very much. Just re-telling a friend’s story.

oh, and i miss u all. my life is kind of a whirlwind now but it will be worthwhile. u'l see. i do passby tho. love you all. mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (share. equally)

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for you yayx

If you have longed to apologize to me. There wouldn’t be a more promising time to be assured of a pardon. If you have always wished to earn my favor. Your opportunity is now.

I am in love. With the whole world. I like everyone and everything. You wouldn’t piss me off if you tried. I want to kiss everyone (‘s cheek). And tell them I love them. I’m happy and inspired. And lonely at the same time. Because yayx can't be here all the time.

Anyone ever made you feel that way?

Life’s 'stinkiest' dung right at you

you get to a certain age when you justifiably wonder “what could life possibly throw at me now?”Then BOOM! life shows you what

I always watched the old man at one of the desks at work suspiciously; why is he so far away from home? Why is he still employed under a child that could pass for his great grand child? Why does he keep on insinuating he was great at this career? then what happened? why is he a mere employee now?

Today I found out
Mzee was actually great; he started out young. Worked his way fast through the ranks. Made ground-breaking successes. Pushing this business to the top in several aspects. Then he got to that point. There was nothing more to achieve. He had done it.

He retired early. To a farm he had carefully and painstakingly saved to set up over the years. In the Rift Valley. In Kenya.Home. everythign turned out well.Just as he had intended it to. But that was in the now far off past.When it didn’t cross his mind that his tribe would one day be his undoing.

Then last year. over a billion years later. Life let off its 'stinkiest' dung and shoved it right up Mzee's nostrils before smearing it all over his land marks.
The Kenya elections happened. And a civil war right after them. the chaos was concetrated in the Rift Valley.The same Rift Valley where Mzee had retired.In a flash. Everything was gone. everything Mzee had worked for for years was gone in just a few strokes of violence.

Back where he served deligently and successfully all those years ago He found a whole new generation that didn't even know him. There was no vacancy. he was told. Unless he was willing to work in another country. Where there were places he could be fixed.

That's how Mzee lands at the desk at which I watch him everyday. Suspiciously. Concealing his stench quite well. With a smile. And contented façade.“Whatever you go through, just be strong. Have hope. If you still have your two arms that can work There is still hope,” he repeatedly tells us the younger generation, sometimes without necessarily revealing how he learnt this.

I am very sad. There is an ache in the deepest of my heart. Life couldn’t just let him be?