Monday, May 11, 2009

he definately beats me

…I’m cursing my employers in all the languages I know and calling friends and relatives to aid me with more curses in more languages…and then I find something that makes me laugh out loud…
I open a folder on my PC with some of my work and in it I see a document saved as ‘suckers’. Suckers? Suckers? Cant remember when I might have had to write about suckers so I open it and … it’s a list of many assignements I had some time that were killing me! I instantly forgive myself for the coarse language and get on with renewing this list….makes me feel better. That I call the shitload a bad name.

I always thought I was ba(r)d. The ba(r)dest in fact. I mean;
-I first got kissed when I was too young to make out why my older cousin liked to smoother my mouth and lick my face so vigorously while crushing my teeth trying to force his tongue, it was gross. He didn’t have to tell me it was our big secret though. i knew. i just knew.

-then my first love letter came in in my Primary Five (also around the time I had my first boyfriend-a secondary school student) from a senior one chap in which one of the lines read “…I’m therefore writing to say that I want to have sex with you.” Yah, I admit I wasn’t that sharp about that one either as I howled so hard our housegirl had a field day marveling at the ignorance of town girls. With this experience came the beginning of what would be the only sex education i was to ever recieve; a tirade of tales about sex behind and inside pigsties, cow shades, forests,…name it. From the same housegirl.

-then the first time I got kissed and I knew what was happening I was still so stupid I rubbed my lips so hard whenever someone at home looked my way that one of the older male relatives in the house finally, with an impish grin, whispered to me ‘see SB if you keep on rubbing your lips like that everyone will know u got kissed today.’ OMG, who had told him? How had he known…u can imagine what else went thru my head as I decided I didn’t want supper, heading straight to my room just in case the lioness herself, my mum, also looked at me and knew.

Okay my point is I always thought I had been there done it (yah right, huh!) way before most. But recently I met a guy whose fact file was as follows;

-At four- got his first blow job from a 13 year old. Girl. A few days after that dude was going down on chics too
-At 9- He was worrying he might have contracted The STD. you know those times you have thought this is it, i surely have the virus? well, dude first went through that at 9, after learning about it from a sick family friend and realizing it was an STD. who worries about STDs at 9 years of age?
-At 10- whe his teacher said 'pregnancy comes from having sex with a girl,' dude knew he was done for; hell he had done it more than he cared to count by then!
Beat that. Anyone.