Thursday, January 29, 2009

view finder

Recently, a civilised man, one of the brainest men i know at my workplace,followed me to the loos and tried to kiss me by force (i dont know what else he intended to do -dont ask me). i dont know what to say or feel about the whole thing, except....from the office loos? couldnt the moron at least have followed me to a more pleasant place!?didnt he figure a more suitable ambiance would at least have helped his cause better? Damn wonder he failed.

so anyway, in an effort to get my mind off of the disappointing cheap jerk/rapist wannabe, i checked out what the cameramen at Uganda's leading vernacular newspaper (the one with the briefest catchiest headlines in the whole world,(yes, Bukedde)), see at the gatherings where the rest of us are focused on the speeches, performances or whatever else it is the organisers intend for us to focus on;

at political events

So of all the activity that was happening at Kololo on Uganda's NRM Liberation day , this is what this photographer saw....okay anyway, it is one of the published great pictures of the day.
anyway, at what point do you think she begun to feel the wind blow directly to her insides? poor woman.
caption: a woman guard who matched her trousers to nothingness at the thighs.

at the social events
where by the way the organisers put alot of effort into what is to be presented on the stages

is it that this girl was maybe standing on the photographer's shoulders.....or was it the photographer crouching in below her skirt to get a 'good' shot?/"?
caption: a girl who 'splashed' at the kivulu,(jny, wats kivulu in english???)

at social event II

eh, what's this man doing to the poor woman.... do you figure it is some tribal ritual maybe?
caption : these were at the King's palace for Nkuuka(is there an english word for nkuuka , Yereki do you know???)

Monday, January 26, 2009

blind dates long stashed away

Longo longo ago (less than 10 years ago anyway), I went on a blind date.he carried a single red rose. I carried me and a heart thumping so hard I marvel that it didn't embarrass me by popping out of its chambers all bloody....

We hit it off (we were less than 22 so I don’t know what else we could have done). We were on fire (...pray dont ask for details.). And then we just died day we were.the next we were was there.and then it wasn't. and we didn’t even notice.i doubt we did was the cleanest break ever).

Then recently, at a gathering of some sorts, who do I see.the rose-baring mate.we fumbled about but refused to avoid each was evident to everyone around we were fidgeting and i figure they all wondered what was going on.
after venturing into a number of topics that failed to yield any meaningful conversation, what the hell, we got round to tackling 'the real issue'.
we didnt bother going into details of what happened or what didnt. we just agreed it was a short nice thing we had. and we had left it at that. but then, we were sent on an errand,someone at the gathering made the mistake of sending us out together.

we did not return.we have never returned from the errand.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

On the longest roughest bus ride of my life so far
The nymph in the seat in front of mine decided to incline his chair backwards until the top of his backrest was just about a whisker away from my forehead; Meaning he was literally crunching down on my legs especially whenever we hit the rough spots. He also adamantly refused to adjust it saying he would do it later! Can u believe it? The nerve of that underdeveloped cockroach!

But I would show him who had thicker nerve
So, I waited for those stops where everyone jumps off to stretch their legs, pee or whatever, and when no one was looking, emptied my two bottles of mineral water into his seat.
As he sunk into the soaked sponge in the wee hours of the already vulgarly cold night and wailed out like he’d just landed his bare arse in the queen ant’s nest, I lay my head back in my seat, a satisfied impish grin spreading over my face…and refused to think beyond that point in my master revenge ploy

Yah, that’s the plan of revenge still making rounds in my head if ever I share seats with that m.f. again. Planned it all the way but kept it in my head. In other words the bastard got away with it,
And could have succeeded at making it the most miserable journey of my life,
but there was the reassuring shoulder to my left, the strong arms that held me in place when the road got really rough or the night unbearably cold; And sometimes kneaded a thigh stroked a breast(checking for lumps mbu(apparently))...

and many more that made that journey memorable and the idiot in front of me a minor speck in a beautifully wonderful world.

In other news;
My brother graduated yesterday and now our relatives from the village use every available opportunity to refer to him as engineer!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Mumblings. Reflections. Memories. Wonderings…

as a child…
I hated shoes and school bags.
i played kwepena (dodge ball) better barefooted, although it meant I had to dodge the heaps of pooh littered in the urinals we shared with the boys at school with my bare feet as well. that was a small price to pay tho, so my shoes were always left hidden in a trench outside the fence and my mum loved me more; i was the only one of her children whose shoes still looked new after a whole term.
The school bags ate into my play time; either washing them after school or trying to find a clean spot to place them before setting off so I didn’t have to wash them after school. Besides, with a polythene bag you got so much more; say a different design and color each day.
if i met God, i would ask...
¨ Why do YOU chose to complicate life so with this love thing? Wouldn’t the world be more harmonious if all relationships were platonic? No heart breaks, no rejections, no wedding costs….you know, do it like the chicken, you want to reproduce, you give it to whichever female is available and move on. Yah, so being in love feels good, and Mrs. B2B would probably miss the kiss in the park (public place), but we wouldn’t miss those things if we didn’t know them…
¨ How do YOU sit up there and just watch your beloveds die from hunger famine kony earthquakes floods…when all it would take YOU to clear the whole mess up is less than a wave of the hand?
¨ Wouldn't it be less work for YOU, (OK, us too) if YOU just granted us our hearts' desires without making us plead first?
¨ Why did YOU create Judas just so he could betray Jesus and rot in hell for it? After all, it was hardly his fault that He betrayed Jesus.
Losing the game...
I was disappointing my mum way too much; always being caught with my head peeping out of the tallest trees, or my lanky frame the only feminine among the males running atop buildings playing guns and robbers; being suspended from school for pulling at some boys’ balls (or girl's lips. WITH HANDS) say for trying to bully me out of my position at assembly…
Mum always knew how to have me shading tears and feeling worthless about myself by letting me know how she expected better from her first born daughter…then I discovered there was a question she didn’t have an answer to that always made her get off my case; “I never asked you to produce me, did I?”
It worked for while, but then one time, without hesitating (as if she had been waiting for the next time i used that line on her) she screamed right back in answer, “and I never said you be the one that comes out when I decided to push, so don’t give me that.”
what would you say to that? i have never had a response to it myself, so i surrendered my game; stopped all the nonsense and grew into a responsible, non-violent woman.
in a matatu, everything has a humorous twist to it...
Do u disagree?
Who could have suspected there actually is a humorous answer to a simple morning greeting, huh?
Once in a taxi, I was marveling at how dark the driver was and just when i had concluded he must be the darkest man ever created, he stuck his head out to greet a fellow taxi driver on the way. The response sent me spiralling backwards in hysterical laughter; “twala eli. Weyelusa no kweyelusa,” shouted the colleague, accusing our driver, the darkest man i have ever seen, of bleaching!
Evidently, the bleach wasn't working!
to be young and foolish...

The following conversation ensues between my 4 year old cousin, right after she watches a documentary on children in war-torn countries in Africa, and her dad, who was always in praise of his daughter’s intellect since she was about 2 hours old;
Cousin: “Daddy, I never want to go to Africa. Please promise me you will never want to make me.”
The dad puzzled; “Why?”
Cousin: “Because in Africa the children don’t have food and they are sick and have mucus running down their noses all the time!”
See, this conversation was taking place from their home in Mengo, a suburb in Kampala, the capital city of Uganda in East Africa. that home today has more maps of Africa and the world, than i have ever seen in any other home.

Friday, January 9, 2009

at the stroke of midnight....

i shall begin another 365 days in the traipse that is my life

shut your mouths already
suppress your ululations

I forbid any celebrations;
I'm now sailing on the 'other' side
of 'the number'

I'v hardly set foot down on this territory
and it already feels scary out here!

Pray brethren Pray

(crouching in a corner all by myself)