Monday, September 14, 2009

laughable scenes from the riots

t this very moment, i have to do everything i can to control the nervous shivers in my stomach; my appraisal form, from which it will be determined whether i'm worth my employers pay as permament staff, is at the boss'. so boss looks at it and there is a continuous twitch from his tightly shut lip spreading out to his left side. never seen that before so i dont know whether it is a good or bad thing. "i will need to look at this so u can leave it here. come back later" and here i'm. Waiting, amidst unbearable tension. the recommended options are; confirm, terminate contract, renew contract, prolong confirmation. i only require one ticked; Confirm.

In a quest to keep myself from giving in to the nerves, i have wracked my brains for all things funny, or with the slightest ability to make me laugh, each laugh hysterically exaggarated. so i come up with this one from the recent Mu7 vs kabaka riots;

In one of the surburbs where the riots were rife, a certain TV station broadcast a certain incident at a homestead that though sad i can't help laughing about. From a certain shack, a door opens slowly to reveal a young boy's head nervously peepig through before cautiously stepping out. he had not seen the many armed soildiers when he peeped so the bulk of them scattered all over the compound kind of got him by surprise.

scared shitless, one of the little boy's arms instinctively went to cover his behind and the other, he raised up in the air as if in surrender as he immediately begins to plead,
"bambi. njagala kupama. bi anuma bambi, ngenda kupama....."on and on (please, i want to puu, i'm badly off, pse, i'm going to pu....)
it was an act that softened even the policemen's hearts as one of them gently told the boy to go ahead, as long as he didnt run he would be ok.

it was the way he kept the arm to his behind as if to control the urge, or illustrate how badly off he was, orb the surprise and fear of landing right amidst the soildiers...i dont know. but that clip saw me and the girls rolling over in torrents of laughter the whole weekend. and its the only memory keeping me from soiling my own pants in anxiety.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

eating the damn meat. uurrrgggghhhh...

I keep getting asked why I don’t eat meat and I’v now run out of seemingly sensible excuses, so I thought I should publish the truth for all to see. that way, (publishing it) I get to only say it once. In case I should end up on a date with either of u bloggers. And you fail the ultimate test; Asking me why I don’t want to eat meat that is.

Just so we’r all clear therefore;
I hate and avoid eating meat because normally there’s more meat left lodged between my teeth than reaches my stomach. And I’m sure it should be the other way round. So if meat don’t want to do wat’s expected of it when it is eaten, I aint eating it either. Period.
Oh, and the task of removing that meat from my teeth! Gosh- it’s so not worth it.

That out of the way, how have u all been? I must be the least favorite blogger in everyone’s books and I don’t blame u; I wouldn’t fancy lazy me either. What have I been up to? Booze binges where I come out sober every damn time (too broke to afford getting drunk). And well, I guess it is the activity to meet bloggers at. Rhino, and SleeknWild! Sparta! And normzo! Heck, I bet I’l soon meet Emi’s too!

And I don’t know why I haven’t met Mudamuli. And Casorzy (save for the fact that I haven’t gone drinking at his house I guess) and many more.

And everytime I meet a blogger I’m blown off my feet in some direction; shock, surprise, total confusion… but never ‘ok, so like what I expected.’ People are good at covering up I tell u! ah ah, bloggers should have running videos of their lives playing alongside their blogs walayi.

i'm so tempted to write something about my first encounters and impressions vis-avis what i expected whenever i meet one but i doubt i have met enough yet.

Haven’t met any that picked my pocket or tapped my behind though, so its all still good and safe. Its been real good actually. But maybe not so fast, there’s still people I need to meet, So now I need to know; where do the following go to drink, (or go for prayers):
Samali Mudamuli Ntikita Ntikita
Carsozy's Box

Etc etc
Okay, and many others. These above, come with yo fellow blogger friends
Y’all register here, i need to meet you.