Friday, June 19, 2009

Happy Father's Day Mum

I still wanted to get married and bring my children up with their dad. i still belived there were good men out there that did well by women. i had survived the ''i hate men' complex (oh i love men!!!) i'd noticed all my other girlfriends from single-mother homes had. And i didnt think of all men as pigs, just bse my father had chosen to be adulterous and condemn us to a life in a broken home. No. I was clearly a normal girl child. Almost as good as all the others even though I had never had the opportunity to call ‘daddy’

But on my graduation day it all came flooding out, For the first time I let myself think back on how we had gotten to that place with my mother; I stood up there, before everything she had so painstakingly prepared to share our achievement thus far and the image of her walking to and from town everyday until her shoe soles gave way glared at me;

I recalled when we were much younger and it confused me that when we said ‘mum I’m hungry’ she sometimes just angrily told u to go to sleep. Now I realize how hard it must have been for her to not be able to feed us;

How I had wished she would be like other mothers with the emotional liberty to hug us, cry when we fell instead of shout at us and just let up a little; I didn’t understand then that she didn’t have the liberty to be a normal mother since in essence she had not been allowed to be that; She had to be just mother enough leaving room for the fatherhood role too that my father couldn’t be b’se he was busy elsewhere. With another woman. And another family.

I had never been a child like many others b’se I’d had to have my brother’s back when mum was working away night and day to give us the good life she had dreamt she and my father would give us. always choosing the cheapest of everything for herself just to provide for us what we would have had if he too had been there. Making sure we lacked nothing so we couldnt miss him. even though she didnt know that in school our worst topic was any conversation about fathers.

It all flashed through my mind at that podium and I couldn’t help but cry torrents. Like I do every Father’s Day when i get sucked into everyone’s 'thank you, i love u dad' frenzy.I have long given up the bitterness and have by now outgrown the confusion. Instead, I shade tears of gratitude for the wonderful father my mother has been to us.

And this Father’s Day I will go out and for the first time buy and address a Father’s Day card
To the only father that I have known all my life.
My mother.
And to all mothers that have been fathers too
Happy Father’s Day
Come Sunday.

12 comments:

Ashy said...

Very touching... a parent can never be celebrated enough :-)

Vick said...

hi silverbow
wow :) you must have made their day

normzo said...

Happy fathers day....to all those ladies who have been around for there kids after fathers have split.

send my 'Hi' to yo mum

cheers gal.

Carsozy said...

Silver Silver Silver, Happy fathers/mothers day.

jny23 said...

So touching.
All the best for your mom and i know she's so proud of yu.

On a different note; also yu have risen. I know the ban on not talking to me again is coming soon.

Heaven! said...

kale you've made me cry. kyokka i'm at office!

the best part of this story is that you have allowed yourself to heal and not let the hurt turn you into a bitter person.
there is nothing as confusingfor kids as parents separating and i think it is by letting go that we(kids) find who we are and are therefore able to give our kids alot more.
also after we have had our fair share of crappy relationships, we start to realise that our parents are very human and they make their fair share of mistakes.

(look at me turning this into a post on its on!)

happy fathers' day to mummy!

Princess said...

Wow. This is a beautiful tribute. Happy Father's Day to your mom! :)

sleek said...

woah!!this is very very moving...((silverbow))..yes,i know u have bwino on me..great piece, very moving..happy mom's day

Be silent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ugandan girl said...

Your mum is a true hero....xx

SilverBow said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...everyone.missed u all at BHH..well, me bad. anyways...gwe carsozy, why do u call me thrice? jny: nange zukide, huh? hahahaha. heaven; i dnt c u cry??!!!sleek, princess, ug gal, how are u my darlings?

love u all, and i'd never abandon u like he did to me, but u know how genetics can be difficult to fight, uuuhhhhmmmm

CIAO.

normzo said...

You cant run away from your genes....so Silver...who would be surprised if you did walk away from 'us'...

And yes i missed you at the BHH...I hope the antipop deliverd my love.

and is it true that she was supposed to take a pic of me...Damn! i am shy...i fear those flashes.

wats ya email?